How Relationships Define You
Human Connection and it’s effect on the individual.
Humans all love a good relationship. Every human needs someone to spill feelings to, confer with about important decisions, discuss vulnerabilities, or hang out. Whenever I feel down, bored, or just want to have fun, I always first think about the different people I could hang out with and what we would do. I created a focus for myself this year to strengthen my current relationships and stay opportunistic in creating new ones. It’s been extremely fulfilling so far, and I’ve come to fully realize the importance of meeting new people. It can help you succeed in your career, personal life, and spiritual life.
My Experience With Relationships
Before this year, I didn’t perceive my relationships as a foundation of a successful career. I always thought that socializing and focusing on self-improvement were two separate activities. I didn’t recognize my social life as an essential part of my existence. It was auxiliary, something that I didn’t need but enjoyed doing. After spending 3 to 4 months cultivating different relationships in my life, I realized I was dead wrong. Many of the people I’ve met in the last few months have already helped me advance my career and build my business. Both of the career opportunities I’m currently pursuing started as friendships. I call my friends and family from back home and always leave the conversations feeling content and inspired. When I doubt myself, my best friends are always there to pick me up and help me regain my confidence.
Research on the Health Effects of Relationships
So now that you have my anecdotal account of strong relationships improving my life, you might want some research to back it up. Well good news! There’s a shit ton. A research study spanning 80 years conducted by Harvard found that “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.”.
So if you want to be happy and lead a fulfilling life, stop buying new IPhones or trying to get twitter famous and reach out to that close friend who you’ve lost contact with. Harvard said so.
Real quick: I was going back over this article to edit and reading that paragraph made me realize I need to call my friend back 😝.
But wait, the connection between the quality of your social life and your health runs even deeper. The researchers also found that “Several studies found that people’s level of satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of physical health than their cholesterol levels were.”
So if you’re going to ingest a lot of beer and pizza, make sure you do it with people you love.
If you’re interested, here’s a Ted talk that summarizes the study.
When I talk about having a rich social life, intimacy and closeness of relationships matters just as much (if not more) than the quantity of relationships. Psychology Today blogged about a study that demonstrated the links between the quest for intimacy and the mental well being/resilience of individuals. They found “it was that quest for intimacy that seemed to stay high and propel them through live with a positive attitude. With each passing decade, their feelings of intimacy weathered all sorts of storms.” So even if bad things happen in your life, if you strive for intimate and positive relationships you will be able to withstand the occasional shittiness of reality. That’s awesome.
So, why do relationships have such a profound effect on our well being? What sort of chakra-aligning magic are we working with here? Let’s look again to Harvard for the answer (why not? It’s a fine academic institution). According to this short post, connecting with others “helps relieve harmful levels of stress, which can adversely affect coronary arteries, gut function, insulin regulation, and the immune system. Another line of research suggests that caring behaviors trigger the release of stress-reducing hormones.”. This is why I always call up those I’m close to while I’m stressed, and I suggest you do the same.
Relationships Can Be Negative, Too…
With all this glowing talk of how relationships can make you a super-zen love master that will live forever, a word of caution is needed.
Because bad relationships also have a profoundly negative effect. A research article from the National Health Institute dove into the effects of unhealthy relationships: “Relationship stress undermines health through behavioral, psychosocial, and physiological pathways. For example, stress in relationships contributes to poor health habits in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood (Kassel et al. 2003). Stress contributes to psychological distress and physiological arousal (e.g., increased heart rate and blood pressure) that can damage health through cumulative wear and tear on physiological systems, and by leading people of all ages to engage in unhealthy behaviors (e.g., food consumption, heavy drinking, smoking) in an effort to cope with stress and reduce unpleasant arousal”.
So let that be a word of warning. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, try your hardest not to become isolated from your family and those who love you most. Assess your relationships by thinking about the people in your life and monitoring the instant emotional reaction. Is it fear? Confusion? Anxiety? Neutrality? If you can identify any of those in your initial reaction to contemplation of a relationship, it’s a good idea to discuss those feelings with someone you know you can trust.
To Summarize
Now you see how relationships have a powerful effect on your existence. As with all factors that affect your existence, becoming aware of them is a powerful first step to using them to your advantage. You can harness good relationships to become aware of and eliminate the bad ones. You have power over your social life. It’s time to use it and reap the benefits.
