Self-Judgement and Self-Compassion
This article comes from a series of realizations of how seriously I was beating myself up for being an imperfect human. I hold myself to a very high standard, trying to be aware, positive, compassionate, and empathetic to everyone on this wild journey of life, but realized I wasn’t giving myself the same grace I wanted to give everyone else. This relentless self-judgement has been hurting myself and my closest relationships. This reflection comes after a lot of crying and inner reconciliation. It was medicine for me and I hope it is for you as well.
Learning about self compassion made me realize how much I’ve been hurting myself. I want to love myself, but a loud voice in my head would have it otherwise. Fueled by the contempt for the society and way of life I participate in, it harshly critiques every thought and action I or other people do. It seeks to dominate others with superious intellect and understanding. I believe it grows when I isolate myself physically, staying behind my screen and in my home as to avoid humility at facing the realities of the world. There’s a lot of weight in my heart and on my shoulders because of it. My inner critic will also take on other people’s problems, traumas, and harmful behaviors because it believes it can fix them with it’s superior intellect and understanding.
I love and accept this part of me, born as a protection and advancement mechanism in a world that loves criticism, operates on social comparison, and idolizes narcisissm, even in the places where people want to make a “positive impact”. This inner critic only seeks to protect my self-concept from being attacked and prevent the world from perpetuating it’s current issues through self aggrandizing behavior disguised as empathetic generosity. I accept the selfish motivations driving my behavior, wanting to see my own value expressed through other people’s success so my inner critic can be satiated and I can feel like I’m “valuable” in this world. I acknowledge and release the toxic belief that I and others don’t have value unless we are emotionally and intellectually perfect. I see, admire, and love myself for always trying to forge the most mutually beneficial path through this life. I honor my intentions and the loving action I take to manifest them. I value my self-inquiry and the emotions that come from it, and love myself for having the courage to venture down this path of seeing and accepting my full self as I am. Human, imperfect, and beautiful.
Resources on self-compassion